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You’re gonna miss this…

If one more OLD person puts something on facebook talking about how us YOUNG MOMS should treasure every moment of our childrens’ lives, and to appreciate the good times because they go so quickly, and “your kids are small for such a short time” I’M GOING TO CUT THEM OFF FROM THEIR MEDS.  Jesus christ people.  Better yet, when they complain about getting old, or having surgery, or anything that’s bugging them, I’ll just tell them “Well you know, the other option is you could be dead”… Here’s the latest thing going around on Facebook

“I won’t always cry, Mummy,
When you leave the room
and my supermarket tantrums,
Will end too soon,
I won’t always wake, Daddy,
For cuddles through the night
& one day you’ll miss,
Having a chocolate face to wipe.
Yo won’t always wake to find my foot,
is kicking you out of bed,
Or find me sideways on your pillow,,
Where you want to lay your head.
You won’t always have to carry me,
In asleep from the car,
Or piggy back me down the road,
When my little legs can’t walk that far,
So cherish every cuddle,
Remember them all,
Because one day, Mummy.
I won’t be this small.”

But don’t worry, I fixed it

“I won’t always cry, Mummy,
When you leave the room
and I’ll help you carry groceries,
and stop scarring up your womb.

I will stop waking up you and Dad
For bullshit reasons through the night,
& one day you’’ll get to pee in peace,
And not be barged in on when you wipe.

You won’t always wake to find my foot
is kicking Dad in the balls,
Or find me sideways on your pillow,
After I peed all the way down the hall.

You won’t always have to carry me mid tantrum
out of a grocery store,
Or resist the urge to just leave me,
when I’ve thrown myself on the filthy floor

So cherish every cuddle,
Don’t drink so much you forget them all,
Because one day, thank God.
I won’t be this small.

You will get your life back,
as I spread my wings and start to live mine.
Don’t diminish my struggles when I’m a mom…
If you miss it so much, here, take a few of mine.”

Scared scurred eeeek!!!

I’ve enjoyed my months of being off a diet. It started the end of October and is pretty much just now wrapping up. I haven’t weighed myself but I’m sure I managed to gain 15 pounds. I don’t really mind- I don’t think I’m going to ever want to diet during the holidays. But besides the weight let’s look at my other side effects of eating like crap:
-feeling like poop
-not being able to poop
-having urgent care worthy poop owies (notice a trend here?)
-intolerable hip bursitis
-bruises all over
-tummy bloating and scary gas (ugh)
-lower back pain
-costochondritis (I’m guessing from overall inflammation)
-skin issues (dry skin, oily skin)
-three colds in three months
-severe lethargy
-brain fog
-did I mention I also gained 15 pounds?

Some of the things I ate were worth it- stuffing, pumpkin pie, potatoes and gravy, and Christmas cookies. But the rest? I don’t really remember. But I’ll remember the negative symptoms. At least, I hope I will. I wrote down all the negative ones I could think of because I want to remember what I’m up against, even if most of them are embarrassing to talk about.

But right now I’m feeling a bit lost in the land of getting back to eating like normal. Not getting back on a diet, just back to eating in a way that makes my body happy. No sugar no starch was very easy for me to sustain and I never felt like I was on a diet. It was never really that hard. I’m terrified, almost paralyzed from fear that any diet I start in a week is going to be hard and I’ll fail. I don’t want it to be hard.

I’m also scared I’m going to follow the wrong plan. I believe in the paleo diet for health. But high fat, low carb makes my body happy too. Last year I did a two week fruit/veggie/beans detox and lost 15 pounds in two weeks. What about just cutting out gluten? Would that get rid of my inflammation issues? Or is the inflammation from the PUFAs? And the high blood sugar? If I go low carb but use fake sweeteners is that going to keep me in pain? What’s the cheapest option? I’ve got a seriously bumpy financial year ahead and I can’t spend $60 a week on produce….

Add on top of all of this the fact that I want more kids- ideally we’d have a baby in 2014. But that could involve a 2013 pregnancy. I want to be eating a nutrient dense diet for at least 3-6 months before getting pregnant. I feel like I know in my heart the best diet, but it’s not cheap, not easy, not simple, not fast. Basically a ketogenic paleo diet. But oh goodness, the work that style of eating would entail overwhelms me.

So we will see. Right now I’m exhausted, achy, full of NSAIDs, feel years away from being healthy let alone having a baby, and I really just want to sleep in a bath tub. Sigh…

Paleo pancakes (when you are out of almond butter)

I’m currently doing the Whole30 eating plan. It’s not that different from how I’ve been eating overall, but there are definitely some key differences. No dairy, no alcohol, no artificial sweetener. That means my beloved cream cheese pancakes would be out for a month. Sigh. On the bright side, I get to eat more fruit than I was before, and where I live the summer produce is nothing short of exquisite. And I’m not as hungry as I had been the past few weeks. Not that I was ever really starving but I’m basically forcing myself to eat these past few days.

Anywho, I kind of jumped into this Whole30 without a lot of prep work. I’ll never be able to throw out all the bad food in my house due to a roommate and a husband who literally would starve to death if he didn’t have pasta and cheese. We all know that you can eat enough calories and still be malnourished, but I’m too young into my marriage to nag another adult about what he eats. So my cupboards and fridge will remain full of chips, cookies, crackers, soda, donuts, and beer, and I just have to navigate my way around those things. Oh and ice cream. And pop tarts. And candy and chocolate. Le sigh…

I should have done better about planning my meals and making sure there was good food in the house. But this morning, there I was, out of bacon, out of almond butter, and out of coconut oil. I just wanted some banana pancakes! I can resist all the other crap in this house but when I’m tired and need breakfast, I don’t like to be f$&ked with. And yes. Not having almond butter was the equivalent of being f$&ked with. I don’t even have almonds to make homemade almond butter. First world problems I realize, but stay with me here. I still wanted pancakes. And I wanted to change the 3 ingredient recipe that’s out there bc I think the ratios are all wrong. 2 bananas to 1 egg? Who are we kidding here? That is not a protein packed breakfast. That is a sugar coma waiting to happen. So I knew I wanted to do 2 eggs to 1 banana. That’s still a lot of sugar for someone who is used to eating under 30 g of carbs a day, but it’s a bit more balanced. Instead of almond butter I used almond flour, and added a spoonful of the thick, fatty, gloriously separated coconut milk that I had in my fridge.

I realize most people don’t have almond flour or separated coconut milk just chillin in their fridge. So for everyone else you could use any nut butter, or the flour of your choice to thicken the batter if you omit the nut butter.

Here’s what I used, the results were great!

1 banana
2 large eggs
Almond flour to thicken (about a heaping tablespoon)
1 tablespoon coconut milk (the top part that separates in the fridge)
Cinnamon and vanilla extract to taste

Throw everything into a magic bullet (or equivalent) and whirl away.
Pour onto a griddle. I like to make these the size of silver dollars.
Consume!!

Love these!! Peace be with y’all!!

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Baking

I am going to a BBQ on the 4th of July. I love to make desserts. Usually I volunteer to bake or make something delectable. But this year I’m at a loss. I found an amazing flag cake recipe- but cake is already forced upon us at every birthday party and it’s never anyone’s most favorite thing anyway. I could make cookies with royal icing, but those are more for looks, not taste really bc royal icing tastes like shit. I could do a paleo fruit tart or just berries and cream… I just don’t know!!!!!!!
If I make something just to show off my artistic skills it doesn’t always taste the best. If I make something super tasty it might not be as holiday themed and might not have the wow factor. But it would have the OMG taste factor. I would choose to not eat either of these. I could make something that I choose to eat, but then that might also be lacking in the wow factor. I really like baking. I just worry that I’ll look like a total bitch if I bring this fancy dessert to a party and then don’t eat any of it. But all the people there love me. And I love to bake. I could always say that since I’m changing how I eat I don’t get the chance to bake as much as I used to so I revel in the chance to go all out… Meeehhhhh. I have zero time to make something fancy and I haven’t even committed to bringing something… Sometimes it’s just nice to day dream. On that note, as of today I’ve lost 65.5 pounds!! 34.5 to go! Yyeeaahhh!

Look at my dinner: cauliflower mash and homemade raspberry vodka. Um, yum.

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F gluten

My dear sweet amazing funny friend Sam and I were talking via twitter yesterday about gluten. She has cut it out of her diet and claims she feels way better. I cut it out about two and a half months ago but I didn’t feel like I really noticed much of a difference. I started getting back into weight lifting a few weeks ago and started toying with having some concentrated carbs pre and post workout. So without really thinking, I bought some whole grain bagels and for three days I had half of one with some natural peanut butter before my workout.
The workouts seemed to go better, I think, and I had more energy the rest of the day. The reason I say I think the workouts went better are because while I was able to get my muscles to the point of failure, I didn’t really feel a burn. I thought maybe that was because my muscles were being fueled so well so they didn’t have to burn. But I wasn’t sore after my workout either. Again, maybe that’s because I was perfectly fueling my body for my workouts. Or maybe I was tired from the carbs and wasn’t able to push myself as hard…
Either way, I won’t be eating those bagels anymore. My tongue started to hurt after eating the bagels, and within 2 days my geographic tongue was back in full force. Geographic tongue is a sort of autoimmune thing where your tongue swells and gets red painful bumps that move around on the tongue. Gross huh? Anyway, I hadn’t had any problems with it since cutting out gluten but I really hadn’t noticed the lack of pain. Along with my painful tongue, my seasonal allergies seemed to appear out of nowhere and my skin broke out. I’m using prescription acne medicine so there is no reason to be breaking out. I’m convinced this is from the bagels. Or rather the gluten in the bagels. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m not going to try again and find out.

A lot of the research I found on Paleo sites said you don’t really need carbs post workout until you are extremely lean. Like, 15% body fat for women (I’m at 35%). Post workout I was having a protein shake and using whole milk instead of my usual water, and adding a large handful of frozen fruit. That’s a lot of carbs within an hour!! But I did like the energy I had during the workout so my new plan is to drink my protein shake before and during my workout. That way the carbs are immediately used for energy, and hopefully I won’t have the cravings and crashes I’ve had the last week. We shall see…

Gaining

My weight tends to fluctuate as such: two weeks of losing, two weeks of staying the same or gaining. I’ve learned to notice this so I don’t freak out, but this month I can’t help it. I’m in the gaining stage of the month and I know I should just relax, and if by the time I get to the normal losing stage and I’m not losing, that’s when I should fret. But it’s still hard to think you are doing everything right and the scale is not rewarding you accordingly.
Whenever I have problems losing I always freak and start looking at new diet plans. The current one I’m exploring is the Paleo diet, which is pretty similar to what I’m doing now. The only difference would be less dairy, more fruit. Not a bad trade off for all the amazing fruit that will be in season over the next couple months. But I’ve been playing with carb intake a bit lately (another reason I might be staying the same) and I’m finding that I am REALLY carb sensitive. I have cravings and I’m hungry if my blood sugar gets wacky. I haven’t been hungry since starting my no sugar/gluten/starch plan and I’m not enjoying feeling hungry.
Sigh… Anyway. My main priority is to make sure my carbs get back down low and I start tracking what I’m eating. Not to count calories but to count carbs to make sure I’m not going crazy over my daily need. Today I’ve had coffee and half n half, measured out, for one gram of carbs. Bacon is in the oven, and there will be salad for lunch, nom nom nom.

Finally, Happy Father’s Day to all the daddy-os out there. Thanks for putting up with us moms 🙂

Day of rest

The new workout plan I got myself into doesn’t have a day of rest in it.  Huh.  “Rest” days are days where you do cardio only.  30 minutes of high intensity interval training.  Not very restful…  yesterday I did legs and abs and hoolllyyy sh!t.  I had to use the handicap bathroom stall at work just so I could have something to hold onto, lest I put my full weight on the toilet seat.  Every single movement hurts.  Good hurt.  But it’s a restricting kind of hurt.  Today my workout plan said I should do back, biceps, and cardio.  Truthfully I could have done the weights but there’s no way I could have accomplished the cardio.  Not on my poor legs.

I’ve always liked the analogy of weight training being an earthquake that rattles your muscles, aka a building.  If you workout again before the “building” is repaired, it’s like another earthquake and just does more damage.  But is it true?  Should you wait until your muscles are no longer sore before lifting again? 

My back and biceps have recovered from last week.  But my body is working so hard right now to recover from yesterday.  I couldn’t face tomorrow with a sore upper body on top of it.

So what do you think?  Are my reasons just excuses for not wanting to workout since I work 9 hours on Sundays?  Are recovery days important?  What should a recovery day look like?  How often should you work the same muscle group?  How long until new “Mad Men”?  Oh wait, that last one might be for another post… 🙂

Peace be with you always!  Happy Sunday!